The Wedding Ceremonies
We didn’t really know much about Indian weddings or even truly what to expect. We knew that it was a bigger celebration here in India than it is at home, and we were told that this particular event was going to span four days! Bring it on.
Day 1: Banyan Tree Farms/Villa
The first night was a very relaxed event. We showed up, ate some snacks, got a little drunk and met the groom’s side of the family. Although there was a pretty major language barrier, lots of people could speak some English, and everybody was in great spirits and were very friendly. After the introductions, we had a huge dance circle. The girls did a circle dance, then the guys did a circle dance. The music was blasting, everyone was getting into it, and we were partaking as best we could. Dancing happens to be a pretty universal language so we fit in just fine. After the dancing, we all said our goodbyes and left.
Day 2: Banyan Villa BBQ
It was the same group of people and the same location, but this time it started much earlier in the afternoon, and we dressed up a little more. There were mad quantities of food along like 12 tables, 2 bartenders that did very light flair (but still cool), a DJ that blew chunks, and a little dance floor. For part of our dancing, Ryker took over the DJ’s spot and mixed a song. It worked out and was pretty cool. There was also a golf club and some balls in the yard, so we set up a glass on the grass and tried to get the balls as close as we could. Russia decided to give it a try too and on his first shot, he hits the ball way too hard, with perfect accuracy, and shatters the glass to pieces. Nobody was surprised and we all laughed. Everything was good except the chicken was under-cooked and we all felt pretty shitty the next day.
Day 3: Wedding Day
Russia was feeling ill all day today. We arrived at Banyan Villa one last time in complete Indian garb (Dhotis) and got orange turban things put on. Then we (grooms side) all drove out to the wedding. When we got there, we parked and got set up down the street. Ashish (the groom) got on a horse and we danced with live musicians down the street and into into the wedding. It was super ridiculously awesome. As we entered the wedding tents, we were greeted by cheers and applause and all-around excitement from the brides side of the family. Food and drink, yet again, were fantastic (although it was an alcohol-free event and all the food was vegetarian). The specific wedding of the bride and groom was quite sacred, they went off into a tent with only a few immediate relatives to give their blessings. Most of the wedding guests weren’t present during the official ‘wedding’ of the two. We all stayed in the main area, around the fires, laughing, snacking and mingling with others.
The Incident (Warning: descriptive content)
I could feel it coming for quite a while but towards the end of the night, I started going green. The chicken at the BBQ yesterday had finally caught up with me. As casually as I could, I got up from my seat around the fire, and started for the main entrance to the wedding grounds. My eyes darted from side to side, searching frantically for a closer way out, or a tree or bush to hide behind. No luck. Face as pale as the moon, and mouth salivating like dog before a meal, I hurried for the entrance (or in my case: exit). Time is of the essence here, I know I’m merely seconds away from making it rain all over this wedding. I reached the start of the red carpet and increased my speed, knowing that any moment…
…And then it happens. With one big squeeze, my stomach convulses and the most recent 10 ounces of food and drink that I consumed are propelled from my throat, straight at the back of my lips. As the liquid is coming up, I keep my mouth closed… mostly. Like water balloons, my cheeks are puffed out to the max, but were still no match for the power of the Salmonella-induced convulsion that occurred. Two ounces squirt from my lips, and for a second, time seems to go completely still as it plummets in slow motion, down, down… until shplwhkk (please pronounce as spelled) my projectile vomit strikes the red curtain and the cement below it. I officially just puked on wedding decorations. Luckily for me it was only two ounces over my max capacity. The other 8 ounces were still firmly lodged in the confines of my cheeks. The road I needed to get to was about 12 feet away. Not only that, but there were people there… Indian people… from the wedding… I really don’t want these people to see me puke all over the wedding. I’ve never seen them before and I don’t even speak the same language. I would be SO embarrassed! Just then, my stomach gives its little ‘two-second’ warning that it’s about to convulse again. These people were in the middle of a conversation with a taxi driver or something so I took a sharp left and as I was walking away from the people, it happened. The second wave of inside juices erupted from my stomach, shot through my epiglottis and crashed right into the first wave that was still on standby in my cheeks, and caused both waves to explode out of my mouth like a voracious firehouse of masala tonic. I just kept walking… Approximately every eight steps, I would let out another stream of puke until I had traveled at least 40 steps. Then I stopped where I was. I was far enough away now, and I let everything else out until I was ready to go back. Apparently I was not seen. We left the wedding shortly after, and I puked two more times on the drive home 🙁
I thought maybe the puking was over but I still felt awful so I went to bed right away. Needless to say, it wasn’t done with me yet. I was getting up probably every 20 minutes to go and barf in the toilet, which ended up being the sink pretty quickly, because along with barfing, the other end was suffering too. I would go back to bed and in the time it took me to fall back asleep, I was back up again with a little more puke ‘n shit. I got very little sleep.
Day 4: Final Ceremonies
I felt rough the next day for the last wedding event. We had a few drinks but all-in-all it was pretty tame, especially for me. We were at yet another venue, and still had a plethora of amazing, delicious dishes to choose from. We spent a lot of time taking pictures and chatting with newly made friends, and after several hours of that, we said goodbye to everyone, gave the bride and groom our final blessings, and left the wedding.